Comment Wall
Here is the comment wall for my Storybook project about the Egyptian goddess Isis!
Introduction to a Math Major
My name is Caroline and I'm from Jenks, Oklahoma. I've lived in Oklahoma all my life, but my family is from New England. I am currently a junior and a mathematics and economics major. I've always loved math, but I didn't officially declare it as my major until last semester. My favorite thing about math is that once you understand it, thats all there is to it. It isn't up for debate or interpretation like english or history. It's just the same no matter what! The plan after graduation is to go to Boston University for their actuarial science masters program! Then I'll take the tests to become an actuary and hopefully find a job somewhere in New England! Boston University Last semester my favorite class was my statistics class. I've always loved statistics, and I am hoping to go into a field with a mathematical focus in statistics. Over summer break I went back to visit family in Rhode Island and then a few we...
Hi Caroline! First of all, I really like the images you use on your project website because they represent your story very well. I like that you introduce us readers to your protagonist and her background stories in the introduction. Since you are writing your story base many different cultures, I am wondering if you are going to do a lot of research? Your introduction really poke at my curiosity on how different culture interpret Isis and how she will moves through these stories. I love a strong and independent female characters and I love that you will write her this way. There are also other characters or gods you mention in the first paragraph of the introduction and I am wonder if you will also incorporate them into your story? Since Isis is also quite powerful, will the readers get to see her use her power as well? Will there be any conflict or villain in the story? Overall, I think your idea is great and looking forward to read the rest of your story!
ReplyDeleteHey Caroline!
ReplyDeleteYou have a unique project theme, and I think it will be very interesting. As I was reading your introduction, I was strongly reminded of a class I'm enrolled in. Perhaps if I explain some of the assignments that we are doing in class and some of the discussions we are having, this will help you with content for your website! So my class is the Religious Studies capstone, and it's called "Jesus In the World's Religions." Essentially, we are examining the role that Jesus plays in some of the major world religions, such as Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity, etc. Each of these worldviews has a take on who Jesus was, and though there are similarities, most disagree on his fundamental nature. I think this parallels with your investigation of the goddess Isis, because you are examine the role that she has played in a variety of mythological traditions. Our final project is to write our own version of a gospel, so maybe that could be the final story of your project! After investigating the role Isis plays in several traditions, you could compose your own myth! We are having to do a lot of analysis of primary texts, so I would imagine that you are having to do a lot of research as well to uncover these original myths. Some questions for you to think about and investigate:
Is there one correct view of Isis? Are any of these traditions trying to discover who Isis actually is, or are they simply using her as a character to explain their own beliefs? Why do these traditions each incorporate Isis?
Keep up the great work, and good luck!
Hi Caroline!
ReplyDeleteI really am interested in your storybook. Egyptian mythology has always been interesting to me and I enjoy learning about it. My roommate actually has Anubis tattooed on his arm and I think he might get Osiris next. The research you did for your introduction is great, I think that you have a really well constructed introduction. I think when you get your first story published that it would be a good idea to go back and add to your intro a little bit. Maybe try and write something that leads into that first story and spark the readers interest even more! I think that another good thing to add in your intro is a little more about the origin of the Egyptian Gods. The idea that you have though is awesome and I look forward to coming back to your storybook to read your stories later on this semester.
Hi Caroline, great introduction! I think you did an excellent job describing Isis. And I also like how your making your entire storybook center around one major character. One thing I would suggest is that you say the stories from her point of view. I feel like that would make the reader feel more involved in the story. I also noticed that you mentioned three different aspects of Isis: wife, mother, and sister. Maybe you could focus on each of these in a separate story? When I was reading your introduction, it really took me back to high school when I learned about Egyptian mythology! I look forward to reading more as your project grows! I also like the picture you chose for your introduction! It suits the way you talked about Isis and her love and protection for Horus. The analogy between Isis and Horus and Mary and Jesus was very interesting; I've never heard of that before!
ReplyDeleteHi Caroline!
ReplyDeleteI really like the theme and the subject matter that you chose for your storybook. Egyptian myths are so fascinating, but they tend to be less known than the Greek and Roman ones. Isis is a fascinating character. It's rare that women are given center stage in these types of stories. They are so often relegated to the supporting role of mother or love interest. Isis manages be both of these things, but there's also an intelligence and a ruthless ambition to her that makes her so much more. I love reading about a more rounded, independent woman. The pictures that you chose for your site are great and they do an excellent job of providing ambiance to your story. The only editing comment that I would make is about one sentence in your story about Isis and Ra. When describing Ra's walk to the palace, you say that he is 'followed by a train of lesser gods who followed him.' I was thinking that you might want to replace one of the followers with another word to give more variety to the sentence, like 'trailed by a train of lesser gods that followed him,' or something like that. Really good job on your introduction and story. I can't wait to read the rest!
Hi Caroline!
ReplyDeleteI think it is really cool that you are doing your story over Egyptian Mythology! I completely agree that Isis definitely seems like a VERY strong and independent woman, and it is most certainly refreshing to see a character like her coming from such an ancient belief system! I really liked how you included the image of Mary was potentially derived from Isis, that is something I haven't heard of before but when I think about it it makes total sense! Anyways, I really liked your introduction, and I think you did a really good job at explaining why you think she is worth writing about. The only thing that I was left wondering though is why was she so important to Egypt and also why were her family members murdering each other? I definitely would be interested in seeing a little bit more family history there! Keep up the good work!
Caroline, I just read your Storybook Introduction, and Part 1: The Plan. I like the idea of featuring the Egyptian goddess, Isis, to give her more of a voice and to emphasize her importance. I can tell by your introduction that you respect Isis and want to depict her in a light which shows her strengths. In this first tale, it was a good idea to put this episode in Isis' perspective instead of Ra's. I personally like to see stories being told from different perspectives so that we can better understand the complete story, rather than just one side of it. I would like to suggest formatting the story a little bit differently. Your first and last paragraphs aren't very substantial in length, but the middle one is too long. I would break up this middle paragraph and add length to your closing statement. Also, in order to really understand what Isis is thinking, it would be useful to add some dialogue. Lastly, I do not think that "Part 1: The Plan" tells us much about what is going to happen in the tale, so I would give it something more fitting. Good job with this.
ReplyDeleteHi Caroline!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your introduction and first story, because although I've heard of the goddess Isis, I knew practically nothing about her before today! I think your first story is a great introduction to her, because as you said in the author's note, it highlights her intelligence and clever planning. You've done a good job showing her thirst for power and her ruthlessness in getting it. If you're looking to expand on the first story, my suggestion would be to add some dialogue! Instead of telling us about her persuading Ra to tell her his secret name, you could show us their conversation, which I think would add detail and make the story come alive even more. That would also be a good way to bring out the character traits of Ra and Isis. Another good spot to add dialogue would be when Isis orders her son to cast a spell. I really like that you left the first story as a cliff-hanger! It's great motivation for your reader to continue to the next story. Your writing is clear and easy to read, and I'm happy for you that your Storybook is going so well!
Hi Caroline! I read the Egyptian myths a few weeks ago for class and any story with Isis was so interesting! This is going to be such a great topic I can already tell! Your introduction was a great way to learn a little bit about her without getting overwhelmed with info while also keeping somethings a mystery so as not to spoil any stories. I also can't wait to read your stories with things from more of Isis's perspective and showing her really being a strong independent woman.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you did the story of Ra and Isis first! When I read it for class it bothered me so much because it seemed super repetitive about Ra refusing to give up the name and then it never really gave Isis any background. Your version is short but very to the point and allows you to focus more on other things. I also like how you ended it with the talk of the future and how they thought everything was going to be ok. It still makes me want more even though I know what is going to happen! Great job and I seriously can't wait to read more!
Hi Caroline! I love your project theme. I didn't know much about Isis, but your introduction is super informative and really gives a clear picture of why you've chosen her (and it's clear you've done a lot of research!). One thing I wondered reading your introduction and first story was if the tale might be more powerful and Isis' strong character shine through if you told the story through her first-person voice. This could help readers get into her head and understand her cleverness and motivations, and could also more easily introduce her relationships with the characters that pop up throughout the story. Another thing I think could be helpful is adding a bit more detail and description to the Part I story — it seems to move pretty fast and I think it could be a lot richer with more physical description. But overall, I think you did a really wonderful job with your project and I love your choice of a strong female character. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHello, Caroline!
ReplyDeleteSo interesting fact, before I decided to do a portfolio I almost did a story book on Egyptian Goddesses. Needless to say I love your topic! I too have a story about Isis in my portfolio and I loved reading your own perspectives on a story I chose as well. I also appreciate that you chose to portray her as a powerful woman!
When I was reading through the introduction and story I had a few questions come to mind. Since Isis could not live with the gods, how did she get to heaven in order to heal Ra? Was she still able to enter the heavens but just not stay there for long periods of time? Or had Ra previously taken her abilities to fly to the heavens anytime? Also, just as you stated in your introduction, Osiris and Isis were greatly in love and when he died it was a huge tragedy to Isis. Knowing how close they were, did Osiris know of this plan? Maybe he was supportive of it all a long because he respected how strong willed and powerful Isis was and knew she would be successful.
Anyways, great work so far! I really look forward to reading more about Isis.
Hi Caroline! As a child, I always had a peculiar fascination with Egyptian mythology, so it was fun to see it represented here. I especially love that you are featuring Isis. I'm doing something similar with an Indian goddess named Sita, though in a different format. I love women's empowerment! Your first story sets a good foundation for the rest of the story. I like that. I wish we got to see maybe a little more scenery: sounds, smells, and other senses. I'd also love to know even more about Isis' inner thoughts and emotions. When you have "powerful women" in stories, sometimes people think this means manly, emotional characters, and while it's clear that you don't think that, it'd be lovely to see even more of Isis' nurturing side, arguably the side that makes her so powerful. Going forward I'm wondering if you're going to strictly stick to the mythos, just telling it from Isis' perspective, or if you plan to change things a little to Isis' advantage, or maybe even to her son's advantage? It would be interesting to see how that goes.
ReplyDeleteHey Caroline. First of all I like the images you use for all your stories. They go very well with each other. I also like how you decided to do your stories over Isis and how strong and powerful a woman she is. I’m in the Indian Epics class and appreciate this because most of the woman I’ve read about haven’t been very strong or powerful. So it’s a nice change of pace to read a story about a powerful woman. Your author’s notes were pretty helpful to me because I am in the other class and I didn’t know this story until I just read it so it was good to know that you stuck to the original and just change who’s point of view it was from. I also like how your introduction tells kind of an overview of the way your stories are going to go. I hope you have a good rest of the semester.
ReplyDeleteCaroline,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your title immediately caught my eye because it has to do with the Goddess Isis. When I was a child, I loved reading about ancienct Egypt and Cleopatra (Royal Diaries, of course!). When I opened your blog, the image at the top was very pretty and caught my attention. On your home page, I suggest you put in a link to your comment wall; a couple classmates asked me to do so and it helped people find it!
I like the simplicity of your website; it made the text easy to read. The actual language you used was also easy to read and understand. You introduction was clear and to the point-- there was no unnecessary "fluff" added just for length. The first story, The Plan, was also written very well. If I were to suggest one thing, I would say to add some dialogue. Whether that be Isis speaking to Ra or herself, it would give a whole new element to your character analysis. Conversation adds length as well as detail to the characters, and readers would be able to relate to them more closely. I look forward to reading more stories as you continue to post. Well done on your project!
Hi Caroline!
ReplyDeleteWhen I finished reading your introduction, I was ready to read your story. The introduction painted a nice image of what the storybook is going to be about, and the topic itself seemed really interesting. There was an error in the second to last sentence, there was just a repetition of two words. It was a great introduction, Isis was introduced and characterized really well. I enjoyed reading your story. It served a great starting point to the storybook. It not only starts the conflict of the story but it also lets the reader learn how she came to be. I liked how the story was told from the perspective of Isis, it definitely changed how the story was presented. I agree that it presented her as a strong character who would do anything for her son.
Great work so far, I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories.
Hey Caroline, great work on your storybook so far. I really like the layout of it and it is really well organized and clear. Your introduction does a great job of getting the reader into the vibes of your story, and it also does a great job of giving the necessary background information that leads into the first part of your story. Egyptian mythology is an awesome topic and Isis is a great main character to have chosen. Its so cool that you chose to highlight her strength and power. Also, it was cool that you changed up the story and told it from Ra's perspective. Overall, I can tell that you are really passionate about your storybook topic! I think it could be really cool if you incorporated more pictures because pictures are an easy way to help the reader visualize things you are saying in your writing. But that was the only suggestion I had. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Caroline! I really think your idea to explore the perspective of Isis in your first story is super creative. The background facts that you gave in the introduction really helps the reader get an idea of what kind of character Isis is and what kind of personality and role she has. Your choice to delve into Isis' emotions and thoughts is also really effective - it really allows you to delve into Eve's character well, and puts her power in perspective. One thing I would recommend is perhaps adding more pictures to your story, since they can help people visualize the Goddess Isis in artistic work. Great job on your introduction and first story so far, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
ReplyDeleteHey there Caroline!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the theme you have going on for your storybook! Your pictures really blend well with each other and It is starting to look very pretty! My only real suggestion would be to have something fun on the home page of your storybook! I know the introduction usually does most of the talking to the reader, but your first page is important in that it is an opportunity to give the reader something short but sweet that kicks them into the mood you want them to be in while reading your stories! And your story content is incredibly interesting because as you said in your introduction it really does connect a lot with Christianity! Many people speculate that lots of christian mythology comes from Egyptian mythology because of the many close similarities! As for your stories, I really don't have any complaints and think you are doing an excellent job! You are a really good writer and I am excited to see the finishing touches done on your storybook!
Hey Caroline!
ReplyDeleteI really like the introduction and how you connected Isis to the different cultures across the world and even the connection to Christianity. Your pages were amazing and had great pictures to go with your stories. The only story I know of Isis is her deception of Ra, so it is good to learn more about her through your stories. I think you're doing a really good job so far and I cannot wait to read more of your stories. Your stories kept me intrigued from start to finish and made me want more!
Hi Caroline! I want to start out by complimenting the design of your page. The colors of all of your pictures from all of your pages go together so well and the layout is easy to navigate. I read your first story and you had me hooked! You did such a great job of building up the scene and supplying your reader with details. I also was impressed with how you kept the story short with just important information there to keep your reader focused. This is something I seem to struggle with sometimes, but you seem to have it mastered! In edition to that, your ending made me excited to read the next and see how their lives were changed. There is nothing better than a cliff hanger to get your reader ready to read the next bit of your storybook. You are a great writer and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Caroline!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your introduction and home page. It is very visually pleasing and provides a refreshing background to look at. I thought that your introduction was great. The background information that you provided about Isis was also awesome. I like that you gave a lot of important details about her personal life while also managing to keep the word count at a reasonable length. I am somewhat familiar with Isis and her story, but I was really excited to read what you have. The first story was really great! I was already interested, but you did such a great job with descriptive details that I wanted to read more. I had no idea that Isis was this determined to become one of the gods. She went through great lengths to find a spot with the gods. However, I am not sure what she did was the most appropriate way. I wonder if she could have found a place without such extremes? I was eager to see the events unfold between Set and Isis. I knew Set had an evil spirit, and his actions certainly proved that. I am curious if Osiris will become alive again. Will Isis be able to bring her husband back to life?
Hi Caroline!
ReplyDeleteThe design of your site is very appealing to the eye. You chose very specific pictures that compliment your stories very well. Personally, I've never read or heard about Isis or Ra or anything about the Egyptian gods. This was my first time reading about the stories concerning these god and goddesses. Your author's note did a very good job at giving me a background on the gods and goddesses in the stories. I like how you changed the perspective of the story from Ra to Isis since it gives the story a different taste. It's always nice to see it from someone else's point of view. I've personally used this writing technique a couple times and I really enjoyed it. I also really enjoyed reading your stories and I hope to find out if Isis is going to find the remains of her husband since he got chopped up. Keep up the great writing!
Hello again, Caroline!
ReplyDeleteAs I have said before I absolutely love your topic for your storybook. I love all things Egyptian and I am glad you are spending some time telling Isis' stories in a new and refreshing way. Since I have already commented on your introduction and first story I tried to focus on Part II: The Loss.
So first of all I would like to say that you have done a great job retelling this story! I was excited to read about Set overthrowing Osiris since that is what my version of the Isis story focuses on. You did such a great job of portraying Isis as a caring and passionate mother!
Anyways, I had a few questions as I was reading through the story. I was wondering if you could add that Set is the god of destruction? Previously you stated that Osiris was the god of the afterlife and maybe stating that Set is the god of destruction could help set the tone for his violent tendencies.
Great work!
Hi Caroline! I read your story "The Loss" And loved it! I especially like the look of you storybook! The background gives it such a calming feel and really sets the reader up for a great story. It was really cool to read about Egyptian gods and their relationships with each other. I like how the rest of your stories follow this same trend.
ReplyDeleteThis was an excellent storytelling based off of the original story. It was very exciting and held my attention the entire time. The character details were very well developed as well. I really liked how Isis worked so hard to get her family together, her character was very good in this story.
I really like the changes you made to the original story. I think having Isis portrayed as a caring mother gives the story a much more enjoyable tone and one that more people will like reading.
Great story!
Caroline, my first impression of your project was actually this comment wall. Without a picture, I have no idea what to think of your project. I think it would be good before you finish the class to add one for your readers. Outside of this, I see that you have completed your project. Congratulations. I like that you have a three part story. The flow of a multi-faceted story was intriguing before I even started reading. This story actually reminds me a little of Gone With the Wind. Isis has a resolution to take care of her family and vows to never let them live the way they have lived up until then ever again. I think you did this story justice. The Egyptian and Greek Mythology are so easy to mess up and make cheesy. I think you wrote your story in a way that allowed for some drama without making the reader feel like vomiting. Overall, it was a fine story.
ReplyDeleteHey Caroline! Great work on your storybook! I have always been interested in Egyptian mythology, but often found it confusing and over complicated. You did a great job of really explaining one character's story and keeping it easy to understand, while also being true to the source. One note I have is that because the stories are so complicated, it seemed like you didn't have the time/ word count to really delve into the personality and the mind of Isis. Perhaps if you simplified the story, you could focus on her thoughts/feelings and give dialogue between the characters to help build strong relationships that we get to see.
ReplyDeleteBut overall, you've done a great job! Your pictures work well with the stories, helping to situate the reader in the time and place of the stories. The site is easy to navigate, especially because you numbered the stories! Good work!
Hey Caroline,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the theme and the writing you put into your project! I think that the original story of Isis is a great piece and so you had a lot of ways you could go with this. I also loved how you broke down the project in primarily three groups, The plan, the Loss, the Resurrection. I think this really gave me a clear idea of what I am about to read prior to reading it. I think that if you wanted to add more details and descriptive language that would draw the reader in even more then you already do. I think you should continue to write creatively even after this class and after you graduate. You do a great job and really make the reader want to continue reading! Keep writing and make sure you add as many details as possible. Have a great dead week!